


you taught me the courage of stars before you left

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: author's favorites [67]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Women, Finn Skywalker, Force-Sensitive Finn, Found Family, M/M, POC Mara Jade, Women In Power, because i refreshed the damn page, despite the fact that i lost the first 700 words i wrote, i am writing this damn story, only because i totally ignore the last jedi, the last jedi? who is she, we will soldier on, with my favorite sequel headcanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 10:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18569971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Finn has dreamed of stars ever since he can remember. He's pretty sure the image of the cosmos, of tiny white pinpricks in a black blanket of night, are his very first memory.When Finn's eyes close, he doesn't see the warm orange inside of his eyelids. Instead he sees webs of blue light scattered between everything, the life that connects everyone and everything together.For the longest time, he believes that his dreams are just things that all treacherous Stormtroopers have, like shared nicknames and treacherous ideas.It takes him meeting the Resistance to realize that his dreams are not Resistance-related at all, but instead are of something else.-This story, though, will come later. First, we must tell the story of two women, who led a Resistance when their husbands left them after tragedy struck. We are going to tell the story of two women with spines of kyber crystal, who lost sons and families to the Force and to the Empire and yet continued going.We must tell the story of two women who lost everything and continued fighting and working, women who gave everything they had to making the universe better even after the universe did nothing but steal from them.





	you taught me the courage of stars before you left

**Author's Note:**

  * For [peradi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/peradi/gifts), [Zoe_Dameron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zoe_Dameron/gifts).



> Title is from "Saturn" by Sleeping At Last.
> 
> So I've always loved the Finn Skywalker headcanon (it's my absolute favorite fan theory revolving around the sequels, if I'm honest), and I really wanted to write something for it (also for Stormpilot, because I really fuck with that shit). This may be a couple of years too late, but oh well, I'm cool- I at least got this in before the Rise of Skywalker was released. Hope you guys enjoy this!

_So bring me the night, send out the stars_

_Cause when I'm dreaming we don't seem so far_

_Darken the sky, and light up the moon_

_So that somehow you'll be here with me soon_

**_-Sam Tsui,_ Bring Me The Night**

 

Finn has dreamed of stars ever since he can remember. He's pretty sure the image of the cosmos, of tiny white pinpricks in a black blanket of night, are his very first memory.

When Finn's eyes close, he doesn't see the warm orange inside of his eyelids. Instead he sees webs of blue light scattered between everything, the life that connects everyone and everything together. 

For the longest time, he believes that his dreams (of green planets, of the cosmos, of the life-threads of beings and the Force that connected it all) are just things that all treacherous Stormtroopers have, like shared nicknames and treacherous ideas. He believes that his visions are what all rebellious stormtroopers experience, that they are a personality trait acquired rather than a memory.

It takes him meeting the Resistance to realize that his dreams are not Resistance-related at all, but instead are of something else.

-

This story, though, will come later. First, we must tell the story of two women, who led a Resistance when their husbands left them after tragedy struck. We are going to tell the story of two women with spines of kyber crystal, who lost sons and families to the Force and to the Empire and yet continued going.

We must tell the story of two women who lost everything and continued fighting and working, women who gave everything they had to making the universe better even after the universe did nothing but steal from them.

-

Everyone and their mother knows General Mara Jade Skywalker, hero of the Resistance. Everyone knows her species: 7/8ths humanoid from the planet Haval-4 and 1/8th Flavorian (avian hybrids from the planet Lilor, who tend to carry a sensitivity to the Force in their blood), and her chosen weapon: dual blasters. Everyone knows that she is one of the most trusted advisors on General Leia's council, that she is one of the first people that General Leia turns to for an opinion on major decisions.

Everyone knows that she is married to the last Jedi, that her husband took off fifteen years ago in search of their son and hasn't come back yet. Everyone knows of her heroics on the battlefield, of her instrumental roles in taking back the ruins of Skara and the jungles of Ivotar-8. Everyone knows her name as that of a hero outside of her last name, that she has earned her legendary status in the Resistance.

Everyone knows that she has spent the past fifteen years waiting and fighting and making sure to ask one person from every mission to a new planet, outpost, or newly-acquired-Empire-post if they'd seen her son.

(Nobody knows about how she's forgotten so much about her son over the years, from the way he smelled to the exact color of his eyes to even the shape of his smile. Nobody knows that all she has left of him is a half-melted toy pod racer, that there was nothing else, no clothing, no body left behind of her son. Nobody knows the way that despite her hope, she has carried the dreadful feeling for years that her son really  _is_ dead.)

-

Where Mara Jade will never stop looking for her son, General Leia has spent fourteen years trying to forget that she once had a son. She knows he's out there- she's constantly reminded of the fact of his existence- but she doesn't care.

Or at least, she doesn't want to care, because her son, her little boy- he murdered his nephew.

General Leia is a woman of sensibility and reason. She has never been for idealism and unbased hope. She doesn't have the absurd hope that her brother or her sister-in-law (or even her husband, though he pretends otherwise) have about the fate of Lev. She knows that Lev is dead and gone. She hasn't been able to feel his Force signature since the morning of the massacre. She knows her grasp on the Force is not as nuanced as her brother's, but she knows her family's Force signatures. She's always been able to find them.

And Lev? Well, he's gone. She can't find him anywhere.

This is why she doesn't have hope in her son, despite her words to otherwise. Deep down, she knows that her nephew is dead. And deep down, that's why she knows that the light side of Ben is gone and there is only Kylo Ren remaining.

It is despite this lack of hope, though, that General Leia keeps going. It is almost  _because_ of this lack of hope that she keeps going. 

She knows what Kylo Ren and Snoke and the Empire are capable of. She's seen the ravaged planets, the wrecked ruins of great cities, the burnt corpses of dead padawans.

(Leia was the one who found Lev's half-melted toy pod racer in the wreckage of the training facility. She watched as Luke and Mara Jade and Han and even herself all broke down in their own ways, two running as far away as possible and two turning themselves back into the fighters they'd sworn never to return to.)

The Resistance are her children, now, Poe and Jessika and all the other officers and soldiers under her command.

They're the ones she's going to protect. She failed with Lev- she isn't going to fail with them. 

- 

Finn meets General Leia and only recognizes her through Poe's introductions. She doesn't seem like the monster talked about in the Empire's propos, the conniving seductress of the Resistance who destroyed her family's home and blamed it on the Empire.

(He should recognize her, though. He knew her in another lifetime, fifteen years ago.)

General Leia, who has lost her father and her son and nephew and everyone she cares about to the Empire, recognizes something of herself in this man. He's got an eye for politics and an eye for justice, with a desire to do right in the world.

It's too bad that he's heading out immediately into the field and she doesn't really get a chance to knows him better.

-

Finn doesn't, however, recognize General Mara Jade Skywalker, dark-skinned and sharp-eyed with her braids pulled back into a loose crown of sorts, a last homage to her Flavorian people, nearly extinguished by both Empires. He admires her tactics in battle, her legendary talent with her blasters, her unending faith in her son's return, but he doesn't recognize her.

Mara Jade only half-recognizes him, as if from a long ago dream, this former Stormtrooper with the warm eyes and the jacket that belongs to the Resistance's most popular pilot. (A pilot who, coincidentally, has a crush on this former Stormtrooper who defected and saved his life, who he's spent the last month telling his Squad and any Resistance member who will listen to him about.) 

It's only when Finn is brought in from the battle of Starkiller, with a lightsaber gash in his back, and is rushed to the infirmary, that Mara Jade's brain starts to piece some of the half-remembered pieces together. She doesn't recognize them at first, though, distracted by Finn's state of health rather than the cause of the injuries themselves.

Seeing him lying in that bed, fighting for his life- it sparks deep empathy in Mara Jade. She remembers the injury she'd gotten on Skara, where she'd lost her lower right leg, and the one before she'd met Luke, where he'd lost his arm. This poor boy- barely a man, can't possibly be a day over twenty- has already suffered so much.

Well, at least he has someone by his side, just like she did. Poe Dameron spends every free moment he can spare in the medic bay, in between missions and training runs for the new pilots. He's always sitting by the boy's side, hand on the boy's through the clear plastic of his medsuit. He pays such good care to the boy, gives this strange ex-Stormtrooper so much care and attention.

"What's his name?" Mara Jade asks, leaning against the doorjamb. She has a lot of things to coordinate, but she can't help but stop by and check on Poe's boy.

"Finn," Poe says, "He had some number assigned to him by the Empire, but I gave him the nickname Finn and he kept it. Said he liked it."

Mara Jade knows how important an identity you build for yourself can be. She knows how she kept her braids and her boots as tributes to her slaughtered people, how she held onto her traditions even when she married into a new family. She knows about the patches she wears on her jacket that detail the successful missions she's gone on. She really doesn't begrudge Finn his choice to choose the name he identifies with, not the one that represents the tragedy the Empire gave him. "May the Force be with him," she says, and Poe gives her a tired smile.

"I'll tell him that whenever he wakes up," Poe says, and Mara Jade smiles.

"Thank you, Poe," she says, and then turns to leave the room.

"No problem," Poe says, turning back to Finn, and Mara Jade leaves the infirmary, something aching in her chest. She remembers the days where it was her or Luke holding each others' hands while they were stuck in the infirmary after their various limbs were cut off or they were injured in different battles or even that time Luke got Iriskian flu and she had to spoon him soup for a couple of days until he stopped hacking up his own lungs.

In sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow- those were their wedding vows. She frowns just a little as she thinks about it. When their son disappeared- the absolute worst kind of sorrow- Luke left. She understands just what he went through, why he had to leave for awhile, but never coming back? That's something that has always rubbed her heart a bit raw.

Whenever Rey comes back with Luke, Mara Jade will have a lot to talk to him about.

-

Then Mara Jade hears the stories of how he'd gotten that giant, life-threatening wound: he'd fought with Luke's lightsaber (a lightsaber even Mara Jade was never able to light, no matter how hard she tried- but Mara Jade hadn't cared, as she was a damn good shot with her blasters and that was all that mattered), challenging Kylo Ren himself to a duel until Rey could get there.

And that's when she knows. She knows that this young man, on the verge of death, lying cocooned in medical film and struggling for life- this is her son. This is the little boy she lost when her nephew killed all the Padawan, the little boy Luke thought was dead and that she had nearly given up hope for.

And now he's close to dying. The medics gave him only a 30% chance of survival and while that number hasn't decreased, it hasn't decreased at all either.

By the Force, please let her son survive. Please give her a chance to see her husband again and be able to live with her son. 

- 

Finn wakes up, and Poe's right by his side, fingers entwined with his. When Finn's eyes drag open, Poe shouts in delight. "Finn, buddy, you're back!"

Finn's been dreaming of the stars and lifethreads all his life, but he's never seen anything as bright and beautiful as Poe's smile. 

"That I am," he rasps through an unused throat, and Poe startles.

"Let me get you some ice chips and a nurse," Poe says, starting to get up, and Finn squeezes his hand, holding him back for a moment.

"You stayed with me," Finn says, and Poe gives him a small, fond smile.

"Of course I did," Poe says, "As much as I could, in between missions and stuff. Hope you didn't mind."

Finn grins and lets go of Poe's fingers. "I'm glad you stayed."

"Glad I did too," Poe says, "And I'll be right back to spend time with you in just a moment, I swear," and then heads off to go find Finn what he needs.

-

Finn kisses Poe about a month after he wakes up, and Poe smiles and kisses him right back.

When they tell everybody the next day, no one's surprised. Not Jess or Snap or even Rose, who joined their unit literally three days ago.

"You to have been sleeping in the same bed since three days after Finn woke up," Jess says at lunch, casually scooping some rock soup into her mouth. "And both of you can't help but stare at each other with hearts in your eyes. This isn't that much of a surprise."

"Dameron, you're fucking obvious," Snap says during training runs, "But couldn't you have waited for another week to admit it? You made me lose five credits in a bet with Tico." 

"Congrats, Commander Dameron," Leia says to Poe during a briefing. "I'm glad you're happy. Now, do you mind keeping the rambling about your boyfriend to only  _ten_ minutes of our meetings instead of the usual twenty? It would be greatly appreciated."

Mara Jade Skywalker just smiles that strange smile of hers at Finn during their discussion of the current diplomatic dealings with the Uralian System. "I hope you two are happy together, Finn."

And oh, Finn and Poe are happy. They're very happy, because even in the middle of this war, they found each other.

- 

Finn's not a hero, this must be made clear. He doesn't charge into battle with the reckless bravery that his father and grandfather did before him. No, he's more of a planner, like his grandmother, a strategist, like his Aunt, an Ambassador, like his mother.

He doesn't just carry the legacy of generations of Jedi- he also carries the legacy of his mother, Aunt, and Grandmother- two Senators, a Queen and a Princess, two Generals, Ambassadors all. He carries a legacy of words as much as of fighting, of loving too much and too little and just enough to give birth to children that shouldn't have existed.

(He lives up to this legacy without even knowing that it's his own.)

When Finn is made a diplomat to neutral planets and star systems, asked to negotiate on behalf of the Resistance. Without realizing it, he is a symbol of hope, not because of his unknown Skywalker heritage, but because he is a stormtrooper who defected. He is someone who managed to break through the Empire's brainwashing and turn to the Resistance's cause.

During all this diplomacy, though, Finn doesn't lay down his blaster. He doesn't become a pacifist. Poe and Jessika and Snap and even Mara Jade herself train him to shoot with intent to maim, not kill, but he does not stop fighting.

Finn has tried to run away before, to self-preserve and escape. But now- he's taking a stand. He's using the talents he has to help out the Resistance, to fight against the empire, and defend the family he has come to call his own. 

(Finn- formerly FN-187, formerly Lev- is a lot of things. He is a rebel, a diplomat, a soldier, a former Stormtrooper.

And he is a Skywalker, even if he doesn't realize it. He is a man who inspires Stormtroopers to rebel against the Empire, a diplomat who convinces planets to join the Resistance, a soldier who flies alongside his boyfriend into battle against the Empire. He is a boyfriend and a soldier ,and a politician and a _hero_.

The Force sits in his veins and it  _sings_.)

-

"Did you know?" Mara Jade asks Leia, and she raises an eyebrow.

"Did I know what?"

"About Finn. About who he is."

Leia raises an eyebrow, and Mara Jade knows her well enough to know that this is neither a gesture of confirmation or negation. "And who might that be?"

 _Ours_ isn't the word Mara Jade wants to use.  _My son_ are words she doesn't think she can use without Luke here.  _The cousin your son must have kidnapped, erased the memory of, and made into a Stormtrooper_ is too harsh, even if it's the truth.

"A hero," is what comes out of Mara Jade's mouth, and Leia gives her a small smile.

"Of course I did," she says, "All of our Resistance fighters are."

Mara Jade nods, because Leia's right, and she doesn't bring it up again. She doesn't think she will, not until Luke gets back.

-

Luke returns to the base with Rey, and the first thing that happens is his wife slaps him and then pulls him into hug.

"By the fucking Force," Mara Jade swears, something between a laugh and a sob in her throat. "I missed you, you fool."

Luke smiles. "I missed you too, darling."

They rest their foreheads together- an age old Flavorian custom- and for a moment, they just hold each other for a few moments, tears pouring down their cheeks. It's been fourteen long years since they last saw each other. 

"Luke," Mara Jade says, once they're both done crying (because yes, a Jedi and a General can cry), "I think I've found our son."

Luke flinches in her arms. "Lev is dead," he says, "He died when Ben left." 

Mara Jade hasn't called their nephew "Ben" in fourteen years, not since he killed all of Luke's padawans. She's refused to think of the name as anything but beloning to a dead boy. "He didn't," Mara Jade says, "He was taken by Kylo Ren during the attack and turned into a Stormtrooper cadet."

And Luke has always been one for hope, even after he had his dreams shattered by Ben's actions. "Who is it?" 

Mara Jade pulls her forehead away from her husband's to look around, but she doesn't let go of his hands. She spots Finn on the other side of the hangar, talking with Poe. She knows they've been together for a couple of months now.

(By the Force, Mara Jade thinks, she might have a son-in-law sometime soon. And not just any son-in-law- Commander Poe Dameron himself, who Leia practically helped raise and who Mara Jade has watched grow up. He has a few years on Finn, but she's seen what the two of them have done for each other. She's heard the stories from Finn and Poe about how they helped each other escape from the Empire. She knows they're good for each other.)

Mara Jade gestures across the hangar at Finn, pointing with two fingers at Finn. Luke turns and looks as Rey walks up to them.

"Why are you pointing over there? That's just Finn," Rey says, saying the name "Finn" as if it is anything  _but_ "just."

"By the Force," Luke swears softly under his breath, staring at the man who his Padawan has told such glowing stories about, the boy who ran away from the Empire, who ran away from being a hero, but then turned around and sacrificed everything to save a group of people he'd never met.

(Or well, he had, once, but he didn't remember them when he decided to join the resistance. He didn't have a memorable connection to them save Rey's bright eyes and Poe's bright smile.)

"You see it, don't you?" Mara Jade says as Finn and Poe continue their conversation.

"He's ours," Luke agrees, and in this moment he looks so, so old, with every year they've lived layered twice over his skin and eyes. "How do we tell him?"

Mara Jade, infinitely good at strategy, always knowing when the right time to strike is, smiles and takes her husband's hand. "We go over and talk to him. Now."

Luke's eyes go wide. "Now?"

Mara Jade smiles. "When else? In case you haven't noticed, honey, there's a war going on."

Luke swallows. He has spent fifteen years in isolation- his childhood hope has remained, but he is not as recklessly brave.

"Your what?" Rey asks as the silence stretches. Her eyes are wide and curious, and from Finn's stories Mara Jade knows that she's probably making the perfect padawan for Luke- brave, curious, stubborn, and willing to learn.

"Our son," Luke says, and Rey's jaw drops.

"I thought he was dead."

"He's not," Mara Jade says, "I've had my suspicions for years, but we recently confirmed it. Luke, he wielded your lightsaber on Starkiller. He's force sensitive and is a politician just like Leia and good with a blaster, just like me. He's got your nose and your smile and my eyes. He's our son, I know it."

"I know it, too," Luke says, and then nods at his wife. "You're right. Let's go tell him."

"I'll go find Jessika," Rey says, eyes still wide. "Give you guys some privacy."

Mara Jade nods at her husband's padawan. "Thank you."

Rey grins, a brilliant, wide smile. "No problem." Then she heads off, posture a lot more confident and gait a lot less slinking than Mara Jade remembers.

"Let's do this before I lose my nerve," Luke says, looking nervous and vulnerable and far too old and young at once.

Mara Jade gives him a reassuring smile. "Let's do this, honey."

-

Finn's been an orphan ever since he can remember, just like every other stormtrooper. But he's also dreamed of the stars, dreamed of the lifethreads, dreamed of what he has now realized the Force.

That doesn't mean he's any better prepared when Luke Skywalker himself walks up to Finn and Poe, hand-in-hand with Finn's mentor in diplomacy, Mara Jade.

(At least Finn can console himself with the fact that his expression must be great, but that Poe's is priceless. The man remembers Luke from when he was a child, with the Jedi leaving when Poe was fifteen, but he mostly knows Luke only as the same legendary hero as Finn knows him as.)

Then Luke turns to Finn and says, "Finn, I'd like to talk to you," and Luke Skywalker actually looks  _nervous_ , the fuck.

Finn glances to Mara Jade and she smiles. "We both would, Finn. We have something we'd like to tell you."

Finn can hear the gravity in their voices, the importance of whatever they're going to say. His fingers, entangled with Poe's already, squeeze a little tighter around Poe's. "What's that?"

"Are you okay with me hearing, love?" Poe asks Finn, and Finn smiles at his boyfriend. Poe has always been about making sure that Finn is comfortable, that he is fully conscious of what he's agreeing to in any situation.

"Of course," Finn says, and then looks back at Mara Jade and Luke Skywalker.

"Finn," Luke Skywalker, the living legend, says, "We're your parents." Finn's world goes supernova. "I'm your father and Mara Jade is your mother."

"You're what?" Poe asks, able to voice the words that are bouncing around in Finn's stomach, unable to escape. "But Lev died, I saw the toy-" Poe's usually suave words stutter to a halt as he looks at Finn, eyes wide. "Holy shit," Poe says, "They never found a body."

Finn's heard Mara Jade's story a thousand times. He knows they never found a body. He knows that she's been searching for years, now. He knows so much, but he didn't know  _this_. He didn't remember this, didn't remember a childhood. How do Luke and Mara Jade even know, anyway? How do they-

The stars. The lifethreads. The lightsaber. The fucking Force. He feels it when he closes his eyes, he  _knows_ the hum of Poe and Leia and Jess and Rose and Mara Jade and Snap and Rey, Leia's shown him that little that she knows.

Finn dreams in stars, dreams of the cosmos, dreams in supernovas and nebulae. He dreams of the birth of galaxies and the death of planets, dreams of millions rejoicing and millions dying.

"Holy shit," he agrees with Poe, "I think you're right. But how? How did I become a stormtrooper-"

"Your cousin," Luke says, "Ben-"

"Kylo Ren," Poe and Mara Jade correct him in unison, similiar tones underlaying both their voices. Their gazes snap to look at each other and Mara Jade gives Poe the smallest of proud smiles.

"When he killed all of the padawan, we thought he'd killed you," Luke says, "But he must have kidnapped you and taken you to be a stormtrooper. You were five, you should have remembered-"

"Reconditioning," Finn says, and the stars die behind his eyes. Everyone knows how stormtrooper cadets are taken, their memories of their homes wiped. "Wouldn't remember a thing."

"And yet you still became a hero," Poe says, and Mara Jade nods.

"You really did," she agrees, and something warm is born in his chest, a nebulae forming out of the praise. "You left the Empire, rescued Poe, and became a diplomat and Resistance fighter along the way, even recovering from a life-threatening injury along the way."

"Told you, Finn," Poe says, smile proud as ever, and Finn can't help but return his smile. 

There's still a war to fight, but for a few small moments, the stars come home. Finn's dreams reflect not just the family that he has come to call his own, with Poe and Rey and the unit, but also the mother that never kept searching and the father seeking to try again.

And he can't wait to figure it all out. He spent fifteen years without a family, and in just half a year gained one for himself. Finn guesses that his dreams really were a sign of what the Resistance would give him.

**Author's Note:**

> Extra scene, the next day, just for kicks:
> 
> ("Fuck, Finn," Poe mutters, "Your parents are Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade Skywalker. You couldn't really resist being the son of two of the greatest heroes ever could you?"
> 
> "Don't forget Rey, too," Finn says with a smile, then argues, "And hey, if I had to meet General Leia as part of your "meet the parental figures," then I think you can handle me figuring out whatever relationship I have with fucking Luke Skywalker."
> 
> "Touche, darling," Poe says, giving Finn a fond smile.)
> 
>  
> 
> Hope all of you readers enjoyed this! Feel free to give kudos/leave a comment if you did- both are really appreciated!


End file.
